Post reblogged from Yet Another Kiri Bloggish Thing
I’m going to start recording voice posts about… my voice. For three reasons:
- Showing off the results of my attempts to improve it
- Overcoming my nervousness (because I always sound horrible when I’m nervous)
- Talking about voice issues for trans folks. Usually, conversations about this topic don’t go beyond, “I sound horrible!” “No, you sound fine!” “NO YOU ARE LYING I SOUND HORRIBLE.” And so on. And the thing is, there’s actually a lot tied up in our feelings about our voices, the reasons we sometimes find them so difficult to work on, the reasons we sometimes loathe them, and so forth, and I think it would be helpful (and hopefully not just to me!) to talk about all that stuff.
And yeah, there’ll be transcripts.
I, uhh, need to actually do this! lol
I remember when I was trying to change my voice. The process was hard and long, and ultimately futile.
Why futile? Well, I never managed to change it. It sounds to me just like it always did.
Somehow people accept I sound female, but I’ll never understand why.
So you’re probably wondering why I’m posting about it. Every time I hear myself, every time I have heard myself for the last 12 years, to me I sound like a man. I’m told I don’t, but when I sound like I do when I was trying to present myself as male, it’s not exactly something that’s easy to accept. It stings, and is a reminder whenever I hear it.
Sometimes it’s easy to ignore, others it’s not.
I feel like I should be happy that my voice blends in, but it’s never the case. That makes it feel worse, if anything, because of a sense of guilt.
So I’ll just add good wishes and a virtual hug.
Source: kiriamaya
